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Fawad Chaudhary writes in his archives

Fawad-Chaudhary-Federal-Minister
Fawad Chaudhary writes in his archives- photo courtesy Dawn.

I can write easily from now on as I have applied the medicines on my swallowed palm. No journalist would ever dare to talk absurd about myself after the slap that I hit in between the bunches of black and white hair. Yes, I’m talking about Sami Ibrahim. I didn’t slap him immediately as he put allegations against me because he’s not in Pakistan the then. But after his arrival in Pakistan, the law was in my hand as it is my government nowadays.

Masroor Ali Sial tried to follow my footsteps but I’m sure that the dismissal he got after hitting the journalist made him realized that he is not Fawad Chaudhary. Fawad Chaudhary is one and only.

Although I’m not proud of myself but I’m the one who announced the first-ever moon sighting website and told about the Eid date. If I didn’t do that the whole nation couldn’t enjoy Kheer and other dishes on the day of Eid.

Though I’m a minister of science and technology but I also remained so worried about the cross-border relations of Pakistan and with the recent breakthrough in the relations of Pakistan with Afghanistan and the USA, I can see the changing dynamics of India’s relationship with our country.

Imran Khan told me to take care of the foreign policy as well so let me tell you about the coming visit of royal majesty to the land of pure.

I also remained equally concerned about the opposition parties of the country. Maryam Nawaz has done totally wrong by snatching the political narrative of Shahbaz Sharif. Shahbaz Sharif talked about the charter of the economy on the floor of the National Assembly but Maryam Nawaz denied it altogether. If I were in place of Shahbaz Sharif then I would have slapped her as well. I’m not favoring the charter of the economy but I do have concerns for the opposition.

When Naeem-ul-Haq slapped Daniyal Aziz, he told in a video clip that Imran Khan had praised that act of him. I’m so worried as I didn’t get even a message of commendation from Imran Khan when I did the act of splendor.

 

I have a long history of political struggle and my political candidature has been on the rollercoaster drive till I won from the platforms of PTI. Sometimes I used to think that If I were in PML-N, then I would be liking the tweets of Maryam Nawaz instead of writing my archives. Thank God for not making myself a part of that political bandwagon.

Oh! I think the moon has appeared in the sky. It must have appeared according to the schedule already set by my calendar. My scientific calendar only deals with religious festivals and has nothing to do with the forecasting of earthquakes, floods, and volcanoes. If all that work is handled by my scientific calendar than what would be doing the rest of the world’s scientists?

                                Disclaimer: This is the work of satire.

                             (Learn to laugh, you will live longer.)

 

About Noshin Bashir

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